A Momentary Pause In Value
If most people are honest with themselves, we all have small moments within ourselves that question who we are as people. Not the essence of who we are or the reason for our existence, but something much more personal. Something that deals more with quality of a person than the symbol of what we become. It is these inward yearnings deep within our souls which resonate at times, melodies so deep within us that the sounds that reverberate off the caverns of our thoughts seem deeper and longer then ever before. And only by standing still for a moment are we able to take in the momentary blissfulness generated by bittersweet sounds that touch the very core of our lives. Transposing these reverberating thoughts gleaned from still moments in our hearts becomes a tricky process for many. Unfortunately many simply ignore them, reserving themselves instead to press on with their previous task before they were visited by such wonderfully, heart-shaking epiphanies. Others, meanwhile, are so overbearingly resident to share them with those around them that what few left who also attempt to actually communicate these internal echoes of their heart as well shy away for fear of rejection. Whatever one's reason might be though -- fear, pride, ignorance -- it does not remove the fact in these quiet moments we learn fathoms of who we are and, at times, where we are in comparison to who we want to be. It is these reflective times that I realize that I am not the person that I want to be, and more like the person I hate that I've become. While I tell myself that numbing my life away with entertainment is a rather worthless cause, still I make hardly the effort to rectify such patterns in my life for any lengthy period of time. Granted their are periods of my life when I seemingly sustain periods in which I the rejection of such frivolous pleasures seems all but too easy, but the stranglehold of laziness grips even harder in those times. Night after night I numb my mind with parcels of information, scattered about with no full meaning between them. My mind seems to be a mismatched jigsaw in which I've lost the referencing photo with which to put it all back together again. I'm not entirely why the line resonates with me as much as it does, but Coldplay in their song "Bigger, Stronger" state, "I want to be bigger, stronger, drive a faster car." And it makes me wonder -- do I? Is that what I care about? To be someone who has the look of importance? If I am truly honest with myself then the humbling answer is that I embody such shallow drives like recognition, honor, fame, and perceived importance; allowing them too easily to govern my actions. And this revolves back to my original question: What kind of person am I? While he would be quick to shy away from any such accolades, "Joshua Sowin":http://www.fireandknowledge.org remains one such constant challenge to me amongst the plethora of items begging for my attention. Something as simple as posting quotes shows me simply again and again that a whole world awaits us in words and within our minds if we allow ourselves to go there. I wonder how many choose to never go there, always preferring to stand at the cusp of something greater, bemoaning the fact that their stunted progress is a result not from their own lack of effort but from failure of the material to engage them properly. So many waste away waiting for an experience that only comes upon actually take steps forward on one's own accord, and I feel its time for me to start moving once again. *UPDATE* I originally wrote this last week, and random circumstances forestalled it's posting until today. In that time though, with the lack of cable television and the unpacking of our various books (because we've recently moved into a new apartment), I've taken a larger interest in reading once again. In the last five days I've finished "Lord of the Flies" by William Golding, "Of Mice & Men" by John Steinback, and "Animal Farm" by George Orwell. I'm currently diving into "East of Eden" by Steinback and so far I've enjoyed the reading binge. It feels as if I was living in a musty house and I'm finally airing out the place.
This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 16, 2006 at 7:47pm. It has been filed under Thoughts, Books, Music, Joshua, Religion.
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Man... No one has cared to share their thoughts. Could you be the first?